


Against All Reason

by SparklingDarkAngel



Category: The Blacklist (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, accidental smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-31
Updated: 2018-08-31
Packaged: 2019-07-05 00:53:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15852909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SparklingDarkAngel/pseuds/SparklingDarkAngel
Summary: Liz had been running from her feelings for Red for a long time, but the truth is she needs him. She goes to him one night and decides to stop running.





	Against All Reason

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first time writing smut. I didn’t mean to, but the story got away from me. I’m not sure how I feel about it, but even if it sucks I had fun writing it.
> 
> ...Also I’m a lesbian virgin so I truly have no idea why I did this. But I have no regrets.

The constant back and forth of their relationship was enough to make Liz seasick. Every time she would grow close to him, something happened that would pull them right back apart. She didn’t know how she truly felt about him or even where she stood with him. Sure she had grown to love him, but there was also so much pain and broken trust in their relationship. And she knew he loved her. She had exploited that love over the past year. In the end, it had just hurt them both. 

A few months had passed since Liz had confronted Red about not being the real Raymond Reddington, and he still wouldn’t tell her who he really was. It frustrated Liz to no end, but she was determined to find out with the help of her half-sister. But in the mean time, the distance that had grown between herself and Red was becoming unbearable. 

As her knocks on Red’s safe house door echoed throughout the night, Liz felt her heart rate begin to pick up. She shifted on her feet uncomfortably, waiting as the cold air nipped at her ears. Her heart nearly stopped as she heard the lock click and the door opened, revealing Dembe. “Elizabeth,” he greeted her uncertainly. “Raymond does not want any visitors at this time.”

“Please,” Liz begged, hating how desperate she sounded. “I need to see him.”

Dembe nodded slowly as he stepped to the side, and Liz wasted no time walking into the living room where she knew she would find Red. The man in question looked tired, run down, and like he had aged ten years in just one. Liz took a moment to really observe him. Dark bags hung under his hollow eyes, a stark contrast to his sallow skin, and he had lost more than a couple of pounds. As he met her eyes, the pain held there broke her heart. “What do you want, Elizabeth?” he asked softly. 

Liz crossed the room to the couch where he was sitting and gently sat next to him. “I’m not here to demand answers,” she explained. “I’m here to apologize.”

Red’s brows furrowed in concern. “You don’t have to apologize for anything, Lizzie,” he replied earnestly. 

“Yes I do,” Liz insisted. “Red... this isn’t healthy!”

The older man squeezed his eyes shut and bowed his head. Liz’s heart broke further as she realized that all he had come to expect from her was pain. Gently, Liz placed a hand on his cheek, and he looked up at her in shock, eyes glistening. “You let me walk all over you,” she said. “You’d let me abuse you all I want, and you’d just sit there and take it.”

“Lizzie-“

“No,” Liz cut him off. “God, I never even apologized for faking my death did I? Even though I know how much I hurt you, I never said a thing.”

A small tear escaped Red’s eye and trickled its way down his cheek. “You never had to,” he insisted. “I understand.” He turned away as another tear slid down his face. 

Liz cupped his chin and forced his gaze back to her eyes. “Red,” she said firmly. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for faking my death. I’m sorry for repeatedly calling you a monster. I’m sorry I keep accusing you of never caring about me. And I’m sorry for manipulating your emotions over the past year.”

Red closed his eyes again, unable to withstand the intensity of her gaze. “I may not know all the events of my childhood before Sam,” she continued. “But I do know that because of whatever happened, you feel like you owe me this immeasurable debt. You can’t keep putting that burden on yourself anymore.”

Early on in their relationship, whenever Liz would charge into dangerous situations for him, he never seemed able to wrap his head around the idea that it was because she cared about him. She wished she could get into his head and understand what made him feel like he was undeserving of her care. Perhaps when she and Jennifer discovered his true identity she would know. Until then, all she could do was continue reaching out. She hadn’t been doing a good job of that lately with her own emotions running wild, but she was ready to start now. 

The older man gave out a long, weary sigh as he reopened his eyes to watch Liz. In all the time she knew him, his eyes had always looked so sad. “You don’t understand,” he said softly. 

“No, I don’t,” Liz agreed. “But I wish I did. I wish I knew why you have this compulsive need to sacrifice your well-being for me; why you’re so insistent on being the sin eater.”

Red leaned back, and Liz could tell he was seriously considering her words. His eyes searched her face as if looking for an ulterior motive, but Liz had none. She realized now how cruel she had been to manipulate the emotionally starved man, pulling him along like a puppet. All she could do was hope that she hadn’t broken his trust for good. 

Liz returned her hand to his cheek and leaned forward slowly. Red watched her in confusion but did nothing to stop her. Gently, she captured his lips with hers. He sat frozen at first, probably unable to believe what was happening. Then, he returned the kiss, tugging at Liz’s lips like the starving man he was. Liz obliged, pushing into him as much as he would let her. 

Suddenly, he grabbed her waist and pulled her awkwardly into his lap. Without breaking the kiss, Liz adjusted her legs to straddle his lap more comfortably. She put her other hand on his other cheek and pressed his head into the back of the couch. Underneath her, he sighed. His hands trembled as they climbed her back, pulling her in closer to him. 

When they finally broke apart, both of them were panting. Red gazed up at Liz with an indiscernible look in his eyes and his lips still parted. Liz stroked his cheekbone with her thumb, smiling softly at him. “Why?” he asked, unable to tear his gaze away from hers. 

“Because I love you,” Liz answered simply. 

“You shouldn’t,” Red protested. He opened his mouth as if to say more, but Liz cut him off with another kiss. She moved slower this time, feeling Red melt beneath her. It was odd that such a powerful man was completely at her mercy. She continued to caress his face, trying to convey the sincerity of her love for him. Slowly, he began to travel down her neck, pressing a kiss into her throat before continuing to her collar bone. She sighed contentedly, letting herself absorb his affection, wondering why she had never done this before. His love had always been there, but fear had always kept her from accepting it. 

“Lizzie,” he breathed softly before taking her hand and pressing a gentle kiss into her palm. 

Liz glanced at the doorway to confirm that she and Red were alone before turning back to him. Slowly, she pulled her arms out of Red’s grasp, grabbed the hem of her shirt, and pulled it over her head. Red’s breath hitched as Liz moved on to his shirt, delicate fingers gently unbuttoning their way down his chest. Her hands moved to push the fabric off his shoulders, and as they travelled down his back they brushed up against a rougher, raised portion of skin. Liz froze instantly, locking eyes with Red. 

Unable to hold her gaze, Red turned away. With one fluid movement, Liz swung herself off his lap and pulled the rest of his shirt off. She gasped as the expanse of scar tissue became exposed. “The night of the fire,” she whispered, tracing a finger down his back. “I knew you were there, but I had no idea. You... you saved me, didn’t you?”

Red’s face scrunched up in pain as he nodded. She didn’t know how he could still feel guilty about that night, but she knew she had to do something about it. She leaned forward and gently pressed her lips between his shoulder blades, lightly kissing his burn marks. Red flinched harshly, apparently embarrassed by his scars. “It’s okay,” Liz whispered into his damaged skin. “You don’t have to hide anymore.”

After a minute, Red’s muscles relaxed, and Liz took that as permission to continue. With her lips and fingers, she explored the damaged area of his back, trying to fill the crevices with her love. “I’ve been fighting my feelings for you for so long,” she admitted. “I get angry. I get scared. So I turn away. But you know what I realized?”

“What?” Red whispered, turning around so he could look at her. 

Liz reached up to rest her hand on Red’s cheek. “I love you,” she said, looking directly into his eyes. “Against all reason, I love you. And I may not know who you were, but I know who you are, and that’s what matters.”

“I love you too, Lizzie,” Red replied. “So, so much.” He pressed a kiss against her bare shoulder. 

“Then do me a favor,” Liz said softly, leaning her forehead in to touch his. “Just for tonight, forget my past. Forget my parents. Forget Masha.”

Red closed the distance between their lips and pulled Liz into another kiss. His hand pressed against the small of her back, and she wrapped her arms around his neck. Before they could get too far, Liz pulled away, feeling Red’s quick, warm breath against her lips. “Bedroom,” she whispered. Not only could she make it more comfortable for Red there, but she could also assure their privacy. 

Without verbal response, Red’s calloused hands slid down her back and hooked themselves under her ass. Liz allowed him to pull her onto his lap once again. As he slowly lifted her, she wrapped her legs around his waist, allowing him to stand with the two of them clutching each other. He lowered his mouth to nibble at Liz’s neck, causing her heart to flutter as his teeth delicately scraped against her skin. 

“Harder,” Liz urged, digging her nails into his back. Red hesitated for a moment before sinking his teeth into her pulse point, and Liz let out a low moan. The bite caused just the right amount of pain to send a chill of pleasure down her spine. Liz shuddered against him as he began to suck on her flesh. 

She hadn’t noticed he had moved them into the bedroom until he was kicking the door closed with his foot and laying her down against the soft sheets. As Red pulled away, Liz whimpered at the loss of contact. He looked down at her, his insecurity written clearly over his face. “Are you sure this is what you want, Lizzie?” he asked softly. 

As an answer, Liz leaned upwards just enough to unclasp her bra and throw it to the side. Red’s eyes glazed over with lust. He lowered his head slowly, letting his warm breath huff against her erect nipple teasingly before taking it into his mouth. Liz squirmed in delight as he prodded at the nub with his tongue, swirling and scraping over it. His hand came to rest on her other breast and began massaging her other nipple with his fingertips and letting his nails graze over it lightly. 

Suddenly, Red switched tactics and began kissing his way down to her naval. As he passed, he pushed his tongue into Liz’s belly button, causing her to squeal. He looked blissfully over at her as his fingers hooked under the waistband of her jeans, quickly undoing the buckle. Liz lifted her hips to let Red slide them off her legs. Once they were discarded, Red pressed his lips into her inner thigh and began kissing his way up. 

Once he had made his way up her leg, he grabbed the waistband of her soaking panties with his teeth and pulled them loose. Liz kicked them off the rest of the way eagerly and took the chance to grab Red’s shoulders, guiding him all the way onto the bed until he was kneeling over her. Quickly, she undid the buckle of his pants and pushed them down his body before gently taking the waistband of his boxers and pulling them free of his growing erection. Red kicked the clothing off, and Liz took advantage of the distraction to grab his shoulders and flip their positions. 

As Red’s back hit the mattress, he looked up at Liz startled but not scared. She perched herself between his legs and lightly traced his length with her fingertips. “Lizzie,” Red moaned as her touch grew firmer. Slowly, she leaned her face down until she was able to tease the tip of his head with her tongue. Red arched towards her in frustration as her tongue began to lazily circle the sides. “Lizzie, please,” he begged desperately. 

With a sly smile, Liz took his cock into her mouth and sucked firmly. She bobbed her head, taking in more of his length with each downward movement. Red’s fingers curled into tight fists in Liz’s hair as he moaned appreciatively. She continued her rhythmic movements until Red’s breathing grew labored and she felt he was about to burst. 

His hands fell from her hair as she removed her mouth from his shaft, and he watched her with eager curiosity as she crawled forward. By now her sex was practically dripping while she positioned herself over him. Red groaned as she touched her moist entrance to his tip. She slowly eased herself onto him, moaning with pleasure as she felt him filling her up. Experimentally, she rolled her hips, shuddering when he crossed over her g-spot. 

Liz shifted on top of him so that he was perfectly lined with her g-spot before she began to thrust. Red’s hips bucked upwards as she pressed down on him. She moved slowly at first, but as he started to match her thrusts she began bearing down on him faster. One of Red’s hands gripped her hips, nails digging into her skin. The other began steadily massaging her clit in time with each thrust. The simultaneous stimulation of her clit and g-spot sent sparks through her nerves, setting her body on fire. It wasn’t long before she climaxed. She groaned as the muscles inside her spasmed pleasantly and uncontrollably. 

Red followed right after, spilling inside her while moaning, “Lizzie.” His hands dropped to his sides as he finished. Liz let herself enjoy the rare, blissful expression on Red’s face. Sweat glistened his skin as his chest heaved up and down with his labored breathing. Liz climbed off him and lay down next to him. She began stroking his cheek lightly, and he leaned into the touch. 

“Raymond, I do love you,” Liz said softly. “Please don’t doubt that. It may be hard given everything I’ve put you through this past year, but I’m here now. I promise.”

XXX

When Liz woke the next morning, it took her awhile to remember where she was. She definitely wasn’t in her own bed, and she was secure in the warm blankets as if someone had tucked her in. For a moment she was worried about Agnes until she remembered that her daughter was with Scottie. Then it hit her. Red. 

She rolled over with a smile on her face hoping to see him but was met with a cold, empty space. Liz frowned with disappointment and sat up. No doubt he was somewhere wallowing in his insecurity and grief. She needed to find him. 

Quickly getting up, she gathered her clothes that had been strewn across the floor. To her surprise, she found her shirt folded up on the nightstand. She dressed quickly before making her way out of the bedroom. Red was easy enough to find. All Liz had to do was follow the scent of cooking eggs into the kitchen. 

There he stood dressed in simple sweat pants and a loose T-shirt. He looked up as she entered, deep lines of worry etched into his face. Liz offered a small smile, hoping to put him at ease. “Good morning, Raymond,” she greeted him. 

“Lizzie,” he replied softly, looking her over uncertainly. 

“Before you start thinking too much, I meant what I said last night, and I don’t regret it,” she said firmly. “I want to be with you, Raymond.”

Red nodded slowly. “I want that more than anything,” he admitted. “I never thought I would fall in love again after losing my wife, but I am powerless against you Lizzie. If this is really what you want, then I’m here for you. Always.”

He scooped the eggs out of the pan and divided them among two plates. Liz stepped behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist. She nuzzled her face into his neck, taking in his scent. “You should come with me to pick up Agnes,” she murmured. “She loves you too, you know.”

“I’d like that,” Red replied. 

As they sat down to eat breakfast together, Liz knew last night had been the start of something beautiful. Both she and Red had been through so much, and it was time they stopped fighting and simply found peace in each other.


End file.
